tears run dry

The past two weeks have seen me spiralling down to the pits..
into this abyss of anguish,deceit,desperation and despair.
and it's slowly depleting me by the hour, feasting away on my already fragile soul.
abundant unanswered questions..yet i fear the outcome.
leaving me with sleepless nights and a wandering mind.

is it ever possible to be strong.
we presume,we charade .. we try to do all thats necessary to cover the pain..
but when its dark and loneliness creeps in, don't we break down?
i refuse to be weak,
i resent being one of those detestable weaklings who wail to their friends about their certain emptyness.
thus this sudden impulsive lifestyle.*appologies to those i've hurt in the process*
lately partying and alcohol has been my constant two way ticket .
taking me for a night of temporary fantasy eventually bringing me back to that pending reality.

After all these while,
i repeat my mistakes..
and as a consequence,
just like a "sailess" boat,
i'm left drifting..only to patiently await salvation.

spiningminds"n"dreamyeyes

its amazing what a night out with great friends can do for the soul.
thank you sarah, fel, rach ..you darlings are all thats needed.

the night was one of sweet toxic.
countless shots and my lovelies.
screaming girls, shades of pink ,banging music,deliquent dancing
and familar faces.
partying has never made its mark till now.
*free your mind and the rest will follow *

bittersweet

.when you say nothing at all.
A year and 12 days back:
clubbing at black ,i caught a glimpse of this super "xia lan' cum cocky looking ang moh,
but amazingly when he leaned my way, my blood started rushing.
12 dates and that faithful night, drunk in partyworld..
we became us.
today was spent alone ..
memories i wish i could erase..
loving was a mistake.

tons of beer and a shitload of tears.
and this is for you..
wankyboo:
we've made that choice,
and its time to move on.
i know it never meant as much as you said it did.
so tonight, for the first time ..
i'm seeing myself not loving you.
and its the sweet beginging of that life i ought to be living.
happy one year anniversary.
babyboo.

lately,
its in you that i've found my sanctuary,my smile...thankyou.

she prays

learning to love was difficult,

loving was a risk ,

letting go is death.

love in a bowl

everywhere i go,
there's like a timebomb of memories awiting explosion at any minute.
leaving the house has never been more dreadful.
i need a place.. somewhere i won't be reminded,

last night, sitting there..in that familar room.
recalling the american club drinking,afternoon ktving...
combing the streets semi drunk, screaming to jay chou and various hokkien songs.
the butterflies,the wide cheekish grin, feeling like a million bucks everytime you look at me.
it all began then..
but perfection fades and circumstances change.
and now,here i stand again, right back to the start.

maybe, nothing ever really last for eternity
and its a painful reality i have to accept.

-lets not look back-

foolfilled

right smack in the middle of our monotonous lives, god gives us a fairytale.

beautiful and perfect.

unfortunately,if you realise,real fairytales, they never end well.

tickle me crazy

These days,
religious time spent with my 'sunshinefer'-i miss you already.
impulsive 3am visits to mustafa centre
'oddday' clubbing
"actually" infested sentences
and
destinationless cab rides.

my stomach was my current centre of gravity.
pigging out on ice cream,salmon sashimi and instant escargot,
all these orgasmic delights and i'm still not putting on the pounds.argh..
-i so need fat transplant-

Now:
i'm too lazy for my own good.
fresh out of fags,ice cream and beer
yet,
i'm dreading the trip down to the nearest 7 eleven.
( anyone reading this now,oh please be a sweetie and do the honors*smiles*)

5.05am
Janna needs, needs him many many
janna misses, misses him plenty plenty.
babyboo loves, loves you deep deep...
... counting down the hours to 'canoodling' time.she loves.

like a virgin

last night was a whirlwind of crazy colours ,
blood pumping techno,traces of random
floating people and foamy vomit.
in other words, i got smashed.

An extremely reckless night.
as much as i can recall,
it started with the usual drinking games,hilarious techno moves and people meeting.
then..it was the ladies..and it stops there.
any possible memory of the night after that,were just plain fuzzy and dreamy.
-though i clearly remember this lady buzzing at me on how guys are not worth it.weird.

Qoute diddy "anything can happen"
and i swear in prior to last night, i deserve a moonman.
i tried the unimaginable and felt emotions i thought i was incapable of .
fear not, its nothing explicit or obscene.

A brief encounter with my past.
and if you must know it was one of those familar bitchy catfights and dagger stares.
Okay,before you judge,and say"my god,she was an ah lian?"
stop and think cause i'm sure in one way or another we've all been through that hokkien swearing,long fringe ah lian phrase...if u didn't,i understand that you probably were a geek.

life's too short anyway and theres always a first time for everything.
so i guess, last night was a first .
alright, it's a saturday night and i'm off to paint the town red .

delusive

here i am, bloging, procrastinating and avoiding the inevitable.
All this wasted time,when i have yet to complete my asignment,

which i add,is due in 28 hours.

I see an urgent need to pack my bags and enroll myself into one of those 'time management' camps

and if that fails to improve, i reckon you infuse some sort of chip in my brain.
i won't go into details but note that its a hell lot of work to complete so if you don't see me in school on monday,
there might be a slight chance you'll find me with my brains blown out,lying in a pool of blood on my kitchen floor.
yes,my heads about to expload any damn minute now.

Thinking of hitting the clubs tonight...or maybe not.i don't know.
i have no engagements but honestly i don't care cause,it's the weekend,
and all thats needed is my weekly dosage of alcohol.
Time to make myself some instant escargots and wait for plans to come my way.

-last night i dreamt i had super powers.wee!.irrelevant ? i know, but i'm sure you're aware of my current state of mind.

butterfly kisses

i went and i'm back.
weird how i embarked on this supposedly relaxing trip and
instead returned feeling sore and tired.

oh well,Heres a very brief account of our weekend.
.amusing 45 min boat ride
.boring 1 hour bus ride
.relatively big room
.awesome seaside view
.bad services
.wankyboo's birthday celebration
[happy birthday sweetie!!
hope you had a magical weekend,cause i know i did.
iloveyou.]
.land and water sports
.movie marathons
.cheap ciggarettes
.indoor room chasing
.unfulfilled latenight cravings
.boat trip back
and home.sweet.home.

Guess i'll elaborate further when my arms stop aching.
so for now some visual essentials-yays*





















-realise how he never smiles..frownyboy >-<

dilemma

the trip's tomorrow and i'm contemplating my decision, the reasons,and its consequences .
i've got a ton of incomplete asignments to rush ,
and its a pure given that i won't be able to get all this crap done by the start of the week,what more if i take this trip.
funny that a month ago,i was ecstatic .
Time away from this over-hectic city and spending quality time with him.
basking under the sun, the beautiful weather, that breath taking scenenary, walks on the beach, water sports,those god given massages and the rekindling love.

A part of me yearns to drown in this commitmentless trip,
indulging in the immense pleasure of paradise.
yet.
i know its consequences.the aftermath,of this so called 'hasty rampage.'
and it'll certainly take a shitload of clearing up.
i hate being stuck in reverse.

counting down the hours till i'm forced to come to a conclusion,
and i'm left with exactly 23 hours.


obviously, i'm aware it's about my priorities,but now its stil pretty fuzzy.
so it all boils down to that same age old question:
How much are you willing to sacrifice?

*maybe its time i got a magic eight ball.

clickerwhores

" A Picture paints a thousand words"

-monday blues and tuesday poo-