i still feel you in my soul.

instant itch

its another one of "those" days,

where all that surrounds me seem endearing.

everything,everyone..except me.

inadequate and lacking of some sort and yet I can't put a finger to it.

in an attempt to shake off these jaded emotions

and

avoid wallowing in any unwanted doubt,

I took a drastic measures of a run in the park with pud.

barely making 4 laps before collapsing from extreme exhaustion,and I mean literally.

(damn!Those friggin ciggs)

even now,there's needed effort to breathe and I'm still seeing spots *~*

despite the added shapes to my vision, my skin does feel unusually smooth :P

anyhow,the pending downloads have been downloaded

and I shall gain back every bit of them carbs by pigging out on

pancakes and a tub of Ben and jerrys .

Singing the blues

first the farewell dinner then a farewell party.

I headed for the last of our Saturday liquid affair.

alas,all good things must come to an end.

And so, for a timely closure

as I bid farewell to my impulsive clubbing and endless drinking.

cheerios to an adopted lifestyle of the holy innocents ;)

"everybody, report to the dancefloor.. Right now."

there's no comfort in the waiting room

rainbow skies and paper clouds

tada!!

and thats not hokkien mee by the way dinner and pre-dinner idiocy *~*later:our very last bonding session over ciggs and wine


"peace.love.unity.respect"

i promise i'll stick to that ;)

to market ,to marketto johnys,to johnys
" stopping for a moment"
and finally,

to kitchen,to kitchen

In falls time

water,essential for us

and the plants

"and we'll strike a pact with the sun"

house calls

technotrance,trippylightsticks and insanelywhacked

. Sober..Drunk.
.Smashed.

the sexy white "tigress" ;)

and as promised,we rocked the club

and

brought the house down ;p

The night was old , but far from cold

and yet the fun was far from over..

The social parade

"puddlelf"

and because i'm still up at this deadly hour *-*

me very own life-size ewok :)

steal my heart

give

me

a

reason

to

stay

Starved

its like the ringing of silence.

the unbearable and unshakable sense of it all ,

an unwanted validation .

what it has become,the undesired fate.

laid.laid off

The "whether"

it is now 5 in the morning.

while trying to sub reruns of a

"how did you let it get this far?" situation,

replaying in my mind,

I maxed out on satc and friends reruns.

solutions..And here come the problems.

I would go for a smoke

but I ain't got one,

I would have a beer ,but I'm out of that too.

and if I could, I really would like that trip to snoozeland

but my head's operating on a totally whacked out frequency

and popping a pill would be too drastic a choice.

so here I am,

mildly radiated,extremely restless and not making any sense.

paper hearts

cause its all too hard

i pretend i'm doing all i can.

Matching faces with fear

I headed down to the columbarium ,alone.

I needed to face my fears ,deal with my grief, and overcome my guilt.

its been 3yrs..Yet I could never bring myself a yard closer.

avoiding any emotions ,never admitting how much it hurt.

as I walked my self down the aisle..that overwhelming smell of death,

edging closer..the battle between the head and the heart.

All this while you think,maybe..It might all just go away,

but it never does.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there..

I'm sorry I let you down

I'm sorry I was being a coward."

closure.

Any less alone

would you tell me,how could it be any better?