New begining

An hour ago , i couldn't stop crying..
and now, i can't stop smiling.
i think its the alcohol...
or it jus could be him ;)

still in love with you

lately i've been thinking about you,

bout that blazing passion ,

bout the security you provided,

bout the undeniable chemistry,

bout the warmth of your smile,

bout the close to perfect love we shared.

and it leaves me wondering..

do i still love you ?

feel"good"inc.

so much for keeping to my to do list,
i barely even completed my essay.
last night, in between what may seem the longest essay and "pretty women" on ch8,
i caved,gave in to my very sinful desire.(plus it didn't help that that particular episode was practically,based on 'nightlife')
I clubbed.

chinablack was not the deal-apprently it was chinablacks anniversary and vick's big 21
i felt like i steped into a 5 yr old kids birthday party,the place was decked with balloons and streamers completed with "clowns", on the dancefloor ;)
very not cool.
i would have expected better,given their "reputation" and not forgetting their megadeep pockets.
packed as usual.need i say also with the usual crowd.
sparks graduating bengs and lians,ah peks,the ch8 speaking and the hiphop wannabes.plus theres a new addition,the "mud and minas".
finally got to meet fels new guy.
plus point: he's rather cute
bonus point: he's a bartender
had enough to get high, bout 7 to 8 plastic cups of screwdriver or should i say orange juice and bout 4 cups of "cranberry" juice.
a double dosage waterfall, thanks to fel's special friend ;p
and a bottle of heineken.
did some longawaited dancing.
ending the night off with some merlioning.felt good.


awoke with a spilting headache,parched and lethargic,
but not a hangover.
and did i mention i missed school again.

overload

taking a break from my soon overdue essay.
here i am lounging away,with a stack of notes on my left and a pile of books on my right.
sipping on my already warm ice peach tea,chewing on a stale tasting piece of gum and my manjaqueenpud tucked comfortably on my lap.
well i finally managed get the rest that i so needed.
feeling a tinsybit refreshed.
its a wednessday,and the temptation of clubbing tonight is killing me.
i miss the pounding music,the alcohol drowning , the nonstop dancing..even the merlioning.
and its only been barely a week.
in a pathetic attempt to get my mind off things, i've decided to create a list of things to do.

my to do list
.clear my room
.organise my closet
.walk puddles
.repaint my toenails
.pick out outfit and bag for tomorrow
.call my baby
hopefully by then i'll be dead tired .

i'm guessing its about time i get back to the wonders of the sistine ceiling.
(rach darling jus offered me my desire on a platter,can it get any harder!)

wake me up when september ends

i'm tired.

exuasted from the fights,

sick of the wow talks,

worn out from all the dissapointment,

drained from the countless buckets of tears shed.

annoyed at how much i want us to work.

let me be numb,let me be dead,

only the taste of bittersweet wine shall i partake.

indulging in the pleasures of singlehood.

for now let me sleep,

and let me never wake till this nightmare fades away.

irony

We've made 10 months ,
yet ironically..i feel like we're drifting further apart.
i know it'll only be a matter of time.
but i'm more than willing to hold on, even if its for a little while.

lonliness constantly sets in.
and when i need you most, why does it seem like you're never there.
i miss your 'iloveyous",
the cuddles to sleep,
the sweet morning messages,
the fact that you'll always stand by me.
maybe you do, but why do i get the feeling its forced.

how is it that i'm hardly happy..even when life's taking a turn for the better.
"happy" 10 month anniversary.ilu.
i guess now i know,
i'm my own assurance.

Incomplete

critical studies:800-1500 word essay on the sistine chapel.
visual studies: 60 iconical symbols in colour.
media art: 12o images of mermaid parts and final composition.
fine arts:6 more drawings of apples in the 6 complememtay colours

and i'm barely even close to getting anything done,
plus its not helping that i missed out on an entire weeks' worth of classes thanks to that crazy impromtu trip to hongkong.
school's been rather entertaining and i'm glad, cos i know this time round ..
its gonna turn out differently.

well somethings gotta give,so..
goodbye my dailyalcoholdrowningmindblowingmegadancing nights
and goodday to this new found earlymorninglectureattendinghomeworkingschoolchilling life...
at least for now.

the longest goodbye

"i wanna do a tattoo."
"okay, wat?'
"your name."
"don't be crazy"
"why?'
"you don't know if we'll last."
a part of me withered and died...
knowing wat we had would never be a forever.

as i watched you lay there in sweet slumber,
i dreaded the thought of never holding you to sleep again.
that never would i feel your warm embrace once again.
that never would i hear your sweet voice and witty comments,
and..never would i be able to tell you i love you.
it made me not want this to end.

walking away was the most painful decision ..
but i believe its the most sensible.
its time i learn to rely on me..
its time to let you go.

sorry for the pain and heartache,
sorry for the broken promises.
sorry, cause sometimes its harder to say goodbye.

"a real beautiful house,you,me, two lil neils,one lil janna ,pudddles"
thanks for the sweet sweet illusion, it still made me feel like life was perfect.
and i thank you for that lil piece of heaven.